'Tis You

If I could buy something one of these days, it would be a new man. Yup, you read that right. 

I would like to ward off people who seem to act like they’re an authority when it comes to settling down just because they happen to be recently married. I say this to all the dear smart alecs who are trying to recruit me to join the marital norm ASAP, if they have been successfully and happily married for over 30 years and are sincerely satisfied with it (in terms of financial and sexual aspects most especially), now would be the best time to tell me what to do or ask questions about me getting hitched because I would assume they would be that credible given the strength of their union over that span. If not, they should just talk about the weather or GFC. Or better yet, if they do feel like telling me what to do, they better have a candidate, a preferred Mr. Right for me, when they ask me pointblank the usual when-are-you-getting-married question.

I don't know if I need to let out an SMS campaign that I am recently unattached (read: emotional break) and in no mood right now to actively hunt for a lifetime male partner so I could avoid other people’s pseudo-wishes slash greetings to me about my current non-interest in marriage. I noticed this is becoming a common subject these days when trying to start a conversation along with the used-to-be off topics like age and weight. Like yesterday, I got a text message that goes, “Hi, kamusta? Kelan ka pakasal?”. It even came from someone I haven't heard in ages! I am annoyed. 

I don't small talk about the subject of relationship status unless I volunteer to bring it up in a 1/8-meant, joking manner. Otherwise, I would assume they are doing my biography or probably just wants to know about my personal life because they really really like me a lot (especially if they’re men). How sweet.

As for buying myself a man, it’s a pretty good idea. It is a very sound solution to temporarily stop all the wonderings and naggings bluntly directed to single females within my age bracket from these ‘concerned’ not-so-close friends or acquaintances. Except for the usual SOP questions during family reunions and other get-togethers, I can tolerate that if it comes from relatives because they are naturally nosy. It’s forgivable. 

If there’s a decent guy out there who is willing to have himself bought by my allotted budget of PhP16.00, it would be a perfect ploy. However, I doubt if there’s such a decent guy. Yet, how can we be sure that the rest of the free and cannot-be-bought male population is 100% decent? 

I am a notorious spender for something I truly crave like some of the overly materialistic investments, err, unpractical things I’ve bought over the years (disclaimer: I’m no longer like that now, yup). But since I do not have the drive to be stuck long-term with a guy at this very moment, that amount is enough.  I want this man to be as disposable as a roll of tissue like the cheap 2-ply China-made wipers that most so-called practical and unpatriotic consumers have been buying lately.  It’s a safety net of mine if ever his interest level to me starts to wear off (I am sure it will, based on my own personal survey), I can just easily flush him in the toilet. Or out of my life, I mean. Saving me from future waste…of time.

I am not a man-hater. As a matter of fact, I like them a lot that I am glad to be surrounded by the kindest and most wonderful male siblings, relatives, and friends whom I treasure very much.    

It’s just that I don’t want to think about settling down today or tomorrow or next week. But as sure as the Philippine weather forecasted by PAG-ASA, save a little benefit of the doubt on that one. I might go on a buying spree and hoard on a lifetime supply of Joy, the only right person for me, sooner than I think. My moods always change. 

And hopefully, so will the usual questions too. 

© 2008 Cat Ramos