“21”

I am back with my old self. It just scares me but I'm glad at the same time.

After my Rule of 21 discipline over a week ago, I realized I just stopped caring. I stopped overanalyzing. I no longer dwell on things from the past. My mind shifts to blank whenever I think about the could’ve beens and should’ve beens. I think I’ve just hypnotized myself to not give a damn on anything that can harm my living in the present mode. I’ve brainwashed myself. 

The Rule of 21 was mentioned in a book called “The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari” by Robin Sharma. But basically, that was just a reference. It’s a philosophy that can be applied on anything you want to achieve or get rid of. A conversation with a friend mentioned this rule one night when I asked him for an advice about something I cannot directly disclose here.

Me: I just contacted ___ again.

Him: Why is that?

Me: I don’t know. I just did. It was spontaneous.

Him: You’re pathetic.

Me: And you’re not?

Him: At least I don’t act it out.

Me: At least I don’t repress my feelings.

Him: Just stop.

Me: I can’t go on living each day bothered that there are people who doesn’t like me anymore or maybe has a grudge on me. 

Him: You’re not Miss Congeniality.

Me: That’s a relief. I can be Miss Photogenic then.

Him: You’re changing the topic.

Me: Ok, so I did contact ____ today. But zero response.

Him: See…

Me: And I feel terrible.

Him: Just stop.

Me: I can’t. At least I tried. I don’t want to sleep at night with hanging questions in my head. So what should I do?

Him: Rule of 21.

Me: What’s that? No, I don’t gamble. I don’t play cards well.

Him: (annoyed) It’s not a card game.

Me: So it means I’ll do the first 20 rules? You know I don’t follow rules that well.

Him: (surprised) You really don’t know the Rule of 21?

Me: Obviously. Just tell me.

Him: I thought you’re smart.

Me: Please stop the side comments and get straight to the point. Grrr.

Him: I was just kidding, I’m surprised that you don’t know about it.

Me: Di na ko magkwento sayo.

Him: Ok. For 21 days, avoid ___ at all cost. If ___ contacts you, ignore. If ___ emails you, throw it directly into the trash. Create a rule in your inbox that would automatically identify it as junk. If ___ texts you, delete it without reading.

Me: ____’s not even talking to me. So why would ___ contact me.

Him: You’ll see. ___ will contact you. And when that happens, you won’t even care. I assure you.

Me: What else?

Him: That’s it.

Me: That sounds stupid. Why would I do this anyway?

Him: To let go of unimportant things.

Me: You’re right. I’m just stubborn. I just want to make up for some things I should’ve done then.

Him: After 21 days, you’ll feel better. I promise.

Me: I‘m not convinced. You’re just making it up.

Him: Google it.

Me: (I did google it and found matches) So it’s true. Hehe.

Him: Hay.

Me: Ok I’ll do it then. When can I start?

Him: Tomorrow as Day 1.

Me: Until August ____?

Him: No, the day after.

Me: Oh.

--end of conversation—

So I did do it. And my friend predicted it perfectly. The subject contacted me within the 21 days and it was tempting for me to answer back as if I cared a lot. However, I didn’t follow my friend’s advice to ignore this person completely because I didn’t want to be rude. So I just compromised with being civil when I answered back.

I don't care about anyone that much anymore. I live my day for today unlike before that I live with the past, the memories, and the thought of making it better by doing it differently. I focus on myself more this time around and am indifferent with people who don’t give a damn about me. It feels good. Mahirap kasing mabilanggo sa mga bagay o tao na akala natin ay may importansya sa mga ginagawa natin, yun pala wala naman. Marami talagang namamatay sa maling akala.

I know I may have hurt some feelings last time, I felt guilty about some actions I’ve made and words I’ve said to people who cared for me at one point. But now, I just have to let it go and not be trapped with the thought of undoing things just to make them feel better. I know they have moved on with their lives already so I’m doing just the same. We should be happy even if we cannot share that happiness together.

My Rule of 21 has ended but I’m living it everyday. Beyond Day 21.

© 2008 Cat Ramos